An old-school detective faces his final challenge – stop a disabled Afghan war vet who has become a media super-hero by dishing out vigilante-style justice.
How It Works
Email Rob the first ten pages of your feature length screenplay (in pdf. format) along with a logline and title. Every Friday one of us (or a guest reviewer) posts one writer's work along with notes and a:
Rating
Trash It (Start over.)
Take Another Pass (You're onto something, but it needs more work.)
More Please (I'm hooked. What happens next?)
Somebody Shoot This!
Readers then vote and comment on your work.
This week's review of Erik V Wolter's 1st 10 pages is brought to you by Rob.
There was a miscommunication with Mystery Film Student so Dan will be giving feedback on the 1st 10 pages of Michael J. Regina's GIRLS RECOVERY LODGE next week.
Today, I'll be sharing some quick thoughts on the 1st 10 pages of A RIGHTEOUS CRUSADER instead.
Today, I'll be sharing some quick thoughts on the 1st 10 pages of A RIGHTEOUS CRUSADER instead.
I won't be critiquing Erik's logline because after reading it, I had to read his pages. I also won't be making any notes, because his first 10 pages are damn near perfect. In fact, I'm tempted to end this thing right now and tell you to just go read his pages.
Still here? Alright.
We open inside a police station where we meet 64 year old, homicide detective, Thomas Wright. Thomas is set in his ways, as evidenced by his willingness to tote a Bose Wave radio back and forth to work each day rather than learn how to stream music on his computer- as the young criminology intern, Audrey Taylor suggests. She also informs him of "another liquor store robbery and a nasty sexual assault." We learn a lot about Thomas from his response, but you'll have to go read the pages to find out what it is.
Really? Still reading? Okay. I could tell you how Erik has done an incredible job of characterization, setting the tone and conflict, but your time would be much better spent just reading the pages. I could tell you about the introduction of Dante and Kathleen on page 3 and how in just a few short lines their entire interpersonal dynamic is laid out before us in vivid detail. I could tell you about the shake up at the station, or the funeral for Dante's father- each scene excellently executed and successful in moving the story forward. But you'll see what I mean when you go read the pages!
Erik's writing is better than many of the professional screenplays I've read. I was so impressed by his first ten pages that I immediately asked if I could read the rest of the script. Erik sent me over another 18 pages. When I finished them I asked if he had any representation. It turns out that he has an agent, Barry Perelman, but is not currently represented by a manager.
Long story short, I can't wait to see...
( ) Trash It
( ) Take Another Pass
( ) More Please!
(** ) Somebody Shoot This!
We open inside a police station where we meet 64 year old, homicide detective, Thomas Wright. Thomas is set in his ways, as evidenced by his willingness to tote a Bose Wave radio back and forth to work each day rather than learn how to stream music on his computer- as the young criminology intern, Audrey Taylor suggests. She also informs him of "another liquor store robbery and a nasty sexual assault." We learn a lot about Thomas from his response, but you'll have to go read the pages to find out what it is.
Really? Still reading? Okay. I could tell you how Erik has done an incredible job of characterization, setting the tone and conflict, but your time would be much better spent just reading the pages. I could tell you about the introduction of Dante and Kathleen on page 3 and how in just a few short lines their entire interpersonal dynamic is laid out before us in vivid detail. I could tell you about the shake up at the station, or the funeral for Dante's father- each scene excellently executed and successful in moving the story forward. But you'll see what I mean when you go read the pages!
Erik's writing is better than many of the professional screenplays I've read. I was so impressed by his first ten pages that I immediately asked if I could read the rest of the script. Erik sent me over another 18 pages. When I finished them I asked if he had any representation. It turns out that he has an agent, Barry Perelman, but is not currently represented by a manager.
Long story short, I can't wait to see...
( ) Trash It
( ) Take Another Pass
( ) More Please!
(** ) Somebody Shoot This!
