CINDERELLA: AFTER THE FAIRY TALE by Katherine Botts
A dark and re-imagined Cinderella where after the downtrodden woman gets her wish she struggles with court life and escaping her fairy godmother’s sinister demands. Loosely based on historical figures amid the growing unrest of pre-revolution France.
Please check back tomorrow 1/6/13 for Jim's review of the 1st 10 pages of Katherine Botts's Cinderella: After The Fairy Tale
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ReplyDeleteHello Katherine,
ReplyDeleteWell done for getting on Feedback Friday. Cinderella is always a story that works because the protagonist is so unfairly victimised that no audience can resist sympathising with and rooting for the poor girl. However, if you want to get your own version off the ground then it really needs to have a fresh take on the story in order to mark it out from all the others.
On a technical level this was clearly written and the story moved. Perhaps a little too fast, though; we have magic by p.5 and Cinderella tries to go to the ball within the first ten pages! This means there isn't really enough time dedicated to Cinderella's character, to her abuse by her step-sisters/aunt or to the mysterious family history. I feel more build-up might help.
Probably your greatest weakness as a writer is the dialogue. Whilst much of it is fine and there was one line I liked, the dialogue was often awkward (p.4: "I've heard about you Jeanette. Those women never give you a moment's peace, do they?") or anachronistic (p.8 "Trash is still trash...").
What concerns me most - and this might be unfair because this is only the first ten pages - is that this story doesn't feel very different from all the other versions of Cinderella. The only moment that stood out to me was Madame Toupin being dead (p.5), which I definitely didn't expect. Presumably it gets darker and more unusual later on but a little foreshadowing early on would help to make this script stand out.
Overall, a competent if familiar first ten. If I was a script reader I'd read on to p.25 to see whether it developed in any interesting directions. Good luck!
Thanks for reading! Especially for pointing out specific lines of dialogue I need to fix!
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