tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010681457906363141.post6254406373875287262..comments2023-03-28T02:49:12.663-07:00Comments on Feedback Friday: DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH by Bill MachinAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01175985544002285736noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010681457906363141.post-57837668302466303512012-07-27T19:49:21.834-07:002012-07-27T19:49:21.834-07:00Sorry. I forgot to vote. Voted now. Sorry. I forgot to vote. Voted now. Iannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010681457906363141.post-41267716085233865502012-07-27T16:23:58.501-07:002012-07-27T16:23:58.501-07:00thanks for helping out, ian! did you vote btw? or ...thanks for helping out, ian! did you vote btw? or did amy not do it yet. not saying grades are that important, but it's a nice way to gauge how people are feeling about their script sometimes. DanDollarnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010681457906363141.post-62219638338725358832012-07-27T10:12:35.903-07:002012-07-27T10:12:35.903-07:00I have to say I was very confused with the script....I have to say I was very confused with the script. It didn't really feel like it was going anywhere. The first page was kind of interesting but then you lost me after that. <br /><br />The thing that stuck out was the dialogue. I'm not getting a sense of these characters. It doesn't seem like they have much of a personality. <br /><br />Also, your descriptions are a bit long and feel they can be trimmed down. There is some nice description in there though. "An eerie grey fog blankets the airport." The was a line that stood out for me and felt like that was very visual. <br /><br />I think you should rethink what you're trying to go for and go from there. Right now it doesn't feel like the story takes off.Iannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7010681457906363141.post-91650430732979880572012-07-27T08:37:54.506-07:002012-07-27T08:37:54.506-07:00Too many words and overly long paragraphs. Too man...Too many words and overly long paragraphs. Too many unnecessary details and directing of shots. No drama, just people explaining things. I started skimming after two pages. At the end, there's a fade out, making it seem like this is just a ten minute opening sequence. That is definitely too long. <br /><br />Sorry, I think there are probably some good ideas in here, but it wasn't for me :(DanDollarnoreply@blogger.com